We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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