chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I would fuck him just for his dog
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
