You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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