p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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