Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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