My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Cover your peen. We're going out.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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