My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
