been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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