Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Randomize
