You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
