Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
