he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
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