Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
