my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
