i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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