I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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