Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
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