how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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