He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
