I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
