Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
