yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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