the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
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