I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
