Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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