maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
