Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
