I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
