I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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