for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
