But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
