The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
