My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
