i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
