Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Randomize
