I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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