It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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