mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
