mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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