I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
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