But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
