No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
