I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
