I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
