She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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