I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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