my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
