I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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