Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
