Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
