oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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