4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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