do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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