I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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