dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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