You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I AM VODKA MAN
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
