Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
