Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
