I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
she told me i tasted like america
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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