I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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