need another drink. this is the easiest way
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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