I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
