I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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