my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
